Characteristics: "I prefer to be in small groups of people, big groups make me really uncomfortable. Unless I'm with people that are familiar to me I'm shy but normally I'm kind of loud and hyper. I can be aggressive but not often. I prefer to work by myself as I'm not a huge "team player". I really like being competitive but I don't really care if I lose or not. I'm difficult to get to know because I'm not overly friendly to strangers but once you do get to know me I'm a really loyal friend. I hate others telling me what to do because I'm extremely independent. I prefer to hide my emotion from others than show them in public."


Characteristics: "I'm very sarcastic and witty with a quick temper. I tend to attract trouble and I also tend to overanalyze things. I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I do have I'll stick up for and protect them even if it means that I can ruin the reputation I have. I don't care what others think of me and I am not afraid to speak my mind. I'm sneaky and I also know when people are lying, no matter the circumstances. I love adventure and I crave the adrenaline rush, so I'm not afraid to try new things. With all of this sometimes I can be a little careless.

I learn stuff quickly and I have a REALLY good memory. I tend to be kinda bossy - especially around my siblings. When I'm in a good mood I can be really hyper. Even though I do tend to pull pranks and get in trouble a lot I can be serious when the time comes and I can keep a straight face."



Characteristics: "Moody, perfectionist, calm and quiet, very cold to those who I don't like (even at first sight), serious, don't give up easily, friendly, solitary, aggressive, dreamer, lazy - but when I have working zeal I can't stop, very shy, helpful, clever, ambitious, stubborn, not a born leader (don't want to be first)"



Characteristics: "I am very strong-willed and proud, but intensely private and not easy to know well. Behind my quiet exterior lies a great deal of emotional depth, sensitivity, complexity, and fierce determination. When I want something I will go after it rather quietly but insistently and wholeheartedly ... and I usually get it.

I am not a person who lives lightly or superficially. I want to live passionately and intensely and I'm not averse to challenge, danger, or to facing the darker side of life- human pain and struggle. I function well in crisis situations and often seek them out. I enjoy the feeling of living at full capacity.

I am very intuitive about other people and especially about their unspoken feelings and hidden motives. I usually have strong, immediate gut reactions, either positive or negative, which prove to be correct. I approach life very instinctively and am not always fully conscious of why I feel or act as I do. I also have a very strong affinity with animals - an acute sensitivity and a nonverbal kind of rapport with animals.

In relation to others, I am rather cautious, sometimes even suspicious, until I get to know and trust them - and trust doesn't come easily to me. When I commit myself emotionally to someone, be it friend or lover, I am intensely loyal and devoted to them and I expect the same kind of unwavering, undying loyalty in return. If I am ever betrayed by someone I care deeply for, I am capable of thing and retaliating with as much fervor as I once loved. Nothing is done halfway. In fact, I am intensely involved and often jealousy attached to whatever I care about, be it person, idea, or cause. There is definitely a streak of emotional fanaticism in me.

Because of my natural reserve, others my see you as something of an enigma. I am quite self-protective and often defensive. I am also very magnetic, especially to members of the opposite sex.

I am a person who thrives on challenge, and I often feel that I must battle my way through life, depending upon no one and nothing but my own strength, intelligence, and courage. I believe in being totally honest, true to myself and my own visions and convictions, even if that means standing alone. Honesty, integrity, personal honor, and authenticity are my gods, and I have no sympathy for weakness of character in others.

I crave the freedom to do things in my own way, and I work very well independently. Cooperating with others or carrying out another's will is not my style. I like to be the chief - or go at it alone.

I love action and if others are settling down into a nice, comfortable little rut, then I am always ready to stir things up, do something new, make changes, bring in some fresh blood. Routine and sameness are like death to me. I am not afraid of trying something that's never been done before, and even though I may be seen as a fool sometimes, I also discover, invent, and initiate things that others will later emulate. Taking risks and following my own star is the breath of life for me, and I get very frustrated and angry if I cannot do this.

I am spontaneous, impulsive, direct, enthusiastic, and assertive. I believe in the power of positive thinking and positive action, and I think of my self as a strong person - even invincible at times. I hate being ill or in any way in a position of dependency. Accepting my own human limitations and emotional needs is often difficult for me.

I am basically aggressive in my attitudes, but have more facility in the receptive arts of relating to others, picking up in subtle messages and nuisances, listening, and nurturing.

Outspoken and direct, I am always eager to express my ideas and opinions and don't mind opposing the consensus and stirring up a little controversy. I have fresh, original ideas and much enthusiasm for anything new and untried, but once the novelty has worn off, I am interested in another new idea or project. I never seem to have enough time to do all I want to. I am very honest, speak decisively and convincingly about things I believe in, and am unable to pretend to agree if I honestly don't.

I am not easily moved by emotional displays and can be curiously detached from my own and other's emotions. Family ties and attachments are not as important to me as they are to most people and I often consider my friends closer to me than my blood relatives. Certainly, my sympathy and concern extends much beyond my immediate family. In my personal relationships, I insist upon a certain amount of independence and freedom to pursue friendships with as many people as I choose, and I do not appreciate a jealous, possessive partner.

I feel comfortable in an atmosphere that is open and experimental, and I have little taste for convention and tradition."



Characteristics: "Various nicknames:

Melann the Brute: My favorite! I didn't knew what to do so I throw a stone and it landed on the head of my grandmother (I name her the Australopithecus!). I found that this nickname reflects me perfectly; it's also a game with words in French:

- Brutal (like violent or blunt): I don't know the limit between games and fights so I often hurt my friends accidentally. Muscularly I'm really far from a bodybuilder, but I'm full of nervous energy (I don't mean I easily break down, no!) and can be very dangerous if you don't pay attention to your health. And when people manage to hit me, I become furious so it's more dangerous for you.

- Brutal: (raw) that isn't modeled and changed by the (system).

- Abrupt: I am. A friend use to tell me, 'When you're direct like that, nobody's gonna survive!' and I always reply, 'That's good!'

Things I'm often compared to:

A volcano: in French we have an expression that can be translated as 'all in fire and flames': it perfectly applies to me for both excitation and fury, anger and enthusiasm. That's simply the way I am every day (unstable and restless, a pile of energy, that's it, who can appear calm and cold and explode in a second!). Also compared to a bomb or a bottle of nitroglycerine!

A tank: when on a crowded area, I'm not particularly good at slalom so I push and people naturally get away (I hope some fear me!!!).

An ogre: I'm of that kind, but as a friend says, 'An ogre magus can be stronger than a troll warrior!'

A romantic hero: it doesn't mean a hero of some book by Barbara Cartland (Eurk! Why do I have to talk about that disgusting and repugnant thing!) but rather the kind of heroes of the romantic period in Europe (XIX century, Victor Hugo for example), very tormented. These characters love to walk through storms (true) and the like.

That's strange: younger ones think I'm wise, elder that I'm a philosopher, and me I just want to be a free-thinker 'misunderstood by my own generation.'

Basic information:

I've a guide dog, I'm blind and open doors in a hurry (I always am like that, jumping from one thing to another and people are tired just to watch me when I'm in my delirious phase) so generally people notice me and have a very good first impression. Even during a meeting with a large crowd, I'm more noticeable than others. It's good, but sometimes I would like to be more common (when I have bad marks or want to 'forget' a course.

My best inspiration and 'clear mind' periods are around lunch and evening/night but it's not the same effect. The first is a sudden inspiration (when my internal cinema works the best), the other is a great boost of energy (the power crisis, where I could walk to the end of the world), new ideas and also the best moment for an 'existential crisis, a period of intense doubt, the impression that you stand below the cliff of your ignorance' but it passes after a good sleep.

But don't ask anything in the morning: I'm just back from my dreams and totally disconnected.

Food: all kind, but if I could only eat something, it would be meat: GRRRRRREAT!

Drink: only water (the best) or orange juice if needed, but nothing else. I'll never drink alcohol (I won't willingly leave control. Even when I'm completely crazy, I remain in control and can change my behaviour in a millisecond).

Some characteristics: quick-thinking (new situations are welcome), lunatic (one second I'm completely mad and exuberant (I love to entertain people and myself by the occasion) and the next one dark and distant), curious (absolutely!), adventurer (I love danger and challenges), open-minded, quite tolerant (the ones I don't tolerate are the ignorant and the intolerants, so I don't tolerate myself!!!), appear very self-confident (even when I'm not), absent-minded when it comes to material things, aggressive (I use the passive way when I know I won't win and slyly attack later, when I think the occasion is mine), opportunistic, talkative (but when I think it's not worth it to speak, I can remain silent for hours, listen and observe the others, or simply express what I want with a single and short phrase), well-armed and well-armored, very synthetic when not dreaming (except when I need to give so much details about my personality, nah!), often very happy-go-lucky (it's more complex, I make plans for the far future, for example when I could have difficult choices to make (I have one if the Mafia asks me to work for them, another if my parents die in an accident, another for my job...) but in my life and day-by-day adventures I'm very happy-go-lucky and some of my friends always worry for me (I laugh at every thing that can happen to me!))... and I think that's all.

Things I couldn't live without: adventure, intrigue (oh yeah, intrigue!), manipulating people, chatting with strangers, reading, Internet (for the knowledge it brings to me), joking (you didn't noticed?), let my imagination lead me into other worlds, paradoxical and complex things (I'm a true paradox, no doubt!).

Thinks I really can't bear: morons, deliberate ignorance (it's a mortal illness, but only a few people wish to be healed, O God!), narrow-minded people, routine (I hate it, it might be Hell to live an ordinary life for a century!), patent-leather shoes.

Now, let's get serious:

A loner?

I'm perfectly sociable and gregarious, I can discuss for hours (almost all kinds of subjects) without being tired or bored when I'm sure to learn something or at least to share ideas and entertain people (even when the people are strangers, I prefer it this way, they don't judge you 'cause they won't see you again). When by myself too long, I never get depressed but rather the other way: my mind accelerates; I start to think and wonder too much, making too many hypotheses in a second and then go straight ahead to an existential crisis. But, during the process, if I meet someone and talk and joke for 10 seconds, I'm normal again (if normal is the appropriate word for me). But... you know, with me it's not so simple. I think I'm unique, or at least from the non-standard non-conformist kind, so even when I'm talking with people, I'm never truly a part of the group (I've better chances to become the half-right-hand woman half-rebel 'cause they don't know my intentions). My way of thinking is very different, they don't understand me and I don't let them do it: I really can't express with words my deeper thoughts and emotions, I simply play with masks and exaggeration (I guess you already saw it). I compare the city to an 'inhabited desert': I need the company of others but I feel truly alone.

Dependent?

Mentally: NEVER! Materially: I'm not interested in money or material things (it works with services: you help me, I help you and vice versa), so if someone can provide it to me, I won't say no. Sure, I've my pride, but I can easily hide it... for a while. I often joke, saying that I was an aristocrat in another life: I think that doing the dishes is kinda eurk, and so on. I hate those things (and a long list of other routine tasks) so I procrastinate a lot and wait for the last limit to do it. Proud?

Yes Sir, I am, I must confess! I think I'm equal to everyone (except particular cases, when I find someone who has some wisdom and who can teach me new things, after that we're equals), but I'm very good at appearing disdainful or haughty and I'm often very intimidating. My goal is not to dominate people and enslave them; I just stand above them showing something like 'see what I could do to you if I simply wanted.' I don't mind that they appreciate me or not, I just want them to respect me, and if not... I've also a strange sense of honor: I can lie without any serious moral problem (stealing would be more difficult, but if it's necessary...), but when something is sworn, it's SACRED. I always try to keep my promises, except the ones made under the menace. My friends (6-10, among all the people I know (almost a thousand I guess)) are also sacred (I'll always be loyal to them, if they call me on Sunday night and it's important, if it's snowing and there's no bus, I'll go or at least send them what they need by someone else, hehe!!!). It also works the other way: when I decide to avenge (it can please me or not) I'll do it. The thing that will deeply hurt me is betrayal, and the response will be terrible, cruel and merciless. However, if you're not one of my friends and you try to manipulate me (you'll see, it's very difficult), I'll put you among the 'smart ones' and maybe tell you one day: you're a cunning one, I appreciate this (it can be something else that I like, that's just an example), I respect you (congratulations! you've won the loyal-to-the-death brutal-Melann! Hum, hum!). I've never forgotten a friend (I had/have one I met 8 years ago (2 weeks) and never encountered after that, but I remember almost everything!). One last thing: I hate bragging. When I need (almost everybody needs to do it), I go to a 'bragging-place,' such as your ancient high-school where people want you to talk about your prowesses! After that, I feel better (I'm still not very humble but not full of pride).

Note, very important (and I forget it): I HATE TO APPEAR, FEEL OR BE WEAK.

I'll rely on pride, humor, self-control, indifference or my enormous amount of energy to prevent it. I appear so strong and solid (I say that nobody can reach me if I don't want to) that I attract lots of people that need to talk about their problems and ask for advice. I always tell them what I think but refuse to say "you should do that" because it's not my life and everybody sees things differently.

Emotions:

As I said before, I'm unstable (torn by violent emotions) but can hardly express them into words or the means people use. So, I conscientiously hide them (except anger which is the most powerful of them and corresponds to my volcanic temper) and remain cold-headed, logical and objective (I make hypothesis with the probability rate rather than assumptions), absolutely in control. I'm so used to this state of mind that (with a bit of concentration) I can appear laughing and entertaining people while I'm totally desperate inside. I often say that sensibility leads to weakness, weakness to death and death to... hum! The only person I won't lie to is me, and if it happens, a voice in my mind always reminds me 'that's not the reality.' I sigh and shrug 'that's not the truth, I know,' and then I'll start from the beginning. When it becomes too violent, I think 'shut up, please' and concentrate on something else, or I'll take a long walk and calm down (except when a power crisis is coming (always when walking), it worsened it: at this moment, I want to run like a fury, howling my internal violence.

But sometimes, I've to express it nonetheless. When completely alone, I'll sing my despair, sadness, rebellion or the impression I have to be born on the wrong planet (each time the melodies are quite similar, only the speed and intensity vary (it goes from mumbling to yelling) and can last after 1 to 20 minutes. If there's people around I'll write, but I know I simply note things, the ideas come from what I call the 'other me.' Normally it stops after 30 minutes-1 hour, but the longest I've written is 75 pages in 2 weeks. After that, I feel much better and continue the great struggle that is kindly called life!!!

I can't show my feelings, but it doesn't mean I'm not expressive: they are just masks (the machiavelic, the predator, the scornful, the serious, the funny, the delirious, the one I use to caricaturize the pathetic students that are depressed because they failed the exams, a body language (exaggerated, of course: everything's exaggerate with me) that correspond to what I can say in my everyday conversation. Specialists are surprised 'cause generally the born-blind like me completely or partially lack a body language and the mobility in expressions I developed. The reason is mainly that I read hundreds of books and have a wide imagination, associated to my sociable nature (I remember me jumping and imitating Donald Duck, completely crazy... But, if you ask me: what do you REALLY think about that?, there would certainly be a five-minutes blank (I can't explain the complexity of the answer, the 'if' and 'if not,' the 'in this situation,' the 'if you change the point of view,' so I don't say anything or avoid the thing). To show you the power of my self-control I'll give you a concrete example:

Fear:

"Fear doesn't make you avoid the danger," said my father, "but distrust can help," I add. That's all my strategy. It can lead to strange situations: if I'm really afraid of something (very rare, I don't want to be weak!), I will NEVER panic, I'll say calmly: I'm afraid of that, so if you could not do it, it would be great. If it's not possible, then I'll do it. But, in the majority of cases, I won't say anything and do it.

Note: my deepest fear (irrational I know, but...) is to imagine that a stranger intrudes into my mind to uncover my thoughts (the things I'll share with no human on Earth, I swear!) and analyze them. That's why I hate the idea of psychologists and psychiatrists (for me, I know that it can help others) and won't take any alcohol or drug (the brain is sacred and must be respected).

Anger:

That's one of the biggest problems of my life. It's one of the things that describes me the best but I have to be careful and try to control it the best I can. It's so powerful that I have different degrees of anger:

- Calm: when someone annoys me, I'll be or indifferent or direct, sharp tongue and naturally attack the weak point of the person. Generally, he doesn't annoy me twice.

- Normal: happens when I'm talking about ignorants or people I find particularly stupid. Is short, violent and forgotten after 5 minutes (eh what? I was angry? Me, never!).

Moderate (or good) anger: for good causes or reasons (access to free ebooks for blind people, changing the system). In this state of mind, I make long sentences using all the richness of vocabulary I know (I often talk like that: when with others but not in a debate, I'm always a bit poetic), precise arguments, it's a period of inspiration, and my voice is heard in every corner of the room (even when I'm not speaking loudly). At this moment, the majority of people agree with me (I always respect and listen to the opinions of others, I simply express mine) and have enough power to win every debate.

- Furious: more likely to happen with family or close people. Starts with yelling but easily leads to physical (and homicidical) violence. If I don't stay in control, I would actually fall into blind rage (you certainly know what a berserker is, that's the image that comes to my mind while I'm desperately trying to keep control. When it happens, I want to growl, beat, bite, taste the blood, hit again and again, play with my prey, kill and destroy, and when I finally control my impulsion, I've an urge to kill during 1h. Maybe you'll think I am mad, and maybe it's the case, but hopefully I've never reached that point (although it's getting closer each time I'm getting furious). In the worst moment, I hit once (instinctively I find the part of the body where I can do the greatest damage): my brother has by my fault and greatest satisfaction (but indirectly though) a big scar on his back.

- (I've created a word which is impossible to translate): The worst for my enemies. It's when I'm truly furious but have to hide it for whatever reason (when I can't win, for example). It gets stronger and stronger and the machiavellian way is the only solution to avenge me. When it happens, people generally ignore that I'm guilty 'cause I appear as a friend (I'm generally very impatient but in this type of situation, I can wait for months the opportunity to hit where it really hurts!).

You see, I can be pretty dangerous. That's why I like the company of strangers. Hopefully, I tell others 'be careful, I'm getting angry!' or 'you'd bester go away: I'm calm now but I will soon explode,' and if there's no reason for me to get angry, I'm naturally friendly and hospitable. That's the joy and difficulty to be a living volcano.

When alone?

The madness that catches me doesn't occur before 2 or 3 days of complete loneliness (or if I have to live with people I really don't like)

Originally it's not a negative thing (I find interesting ideas) but it goes that way when I reach the existential crisis. When I'm thinking (alone mostly, but sometimes with people that I know well (nobody really knows me, they believe they discovered who I am, but I'm sure it isn't the case)), I sometimes (often!) say things out loud but if you're not in my mind, you can't know the subject of my mental conversation: I'll say things like 'yeah, that's right' or 'in fact...' (I don't understand why). Another thing

I often say out loud is 'Melann, you're so stupid' or 'Melann, you've won the What-an-idiot championship.' I never had imaginary friends, sorry but I found it childish (my teddy-bears were on the opposite corner of my bedroom at 6 and out of sight at 7, I look younger than I am (20 years actually) but when people hear me speaking they think I'm 25: I'm older mentally (yeah, everybody has to listen to his internal grandmother!!!)). I'm rarely bored, I've my personal cinema (100% more interesting than most of the American superproductions. sorry...) and, of course, books. I use to say 'it doesn't matter if I have to die now, but please, let me finish my current book!' and that 'my parents took care of me from 0 to 5, and after it was books that gave me the vocabulary, the ability to talk to everyone (from an aristocrat to street guy,) my first strategies for machiavelic attacks, them who developed the powerful imagination I have now and made me a cultured person.' I can also spend a lot of time on the Internet, but books are by far better. Just look at the things I consider sacred (except friends and sworn things, I've already said it).

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide (I couldn't miss it!)

I've always been two opposite things at the same time: with a high sense of justice but a very good and quick liar, very talkative but at the same time completely hidden and secretive, happy-go-lucky and schemer, strong of will (I always get what I want) but very jumping-on-everything-interesting, very well in the middle of a large crowd but preferring to watch a party from a distance (I have more fun like that)... And I can do both at the same time (to chat with someone, finding new jokes or giving classic 'weapon pass' I've found before and mentally preparing a good lie. With the experiences I've collected, I can easily give a false image of me (what I call facades, sometimes a cliché, but I try to make it very subtle, when I manipulate people they generally never notice it): the serious (and courageous) student, the educated person, the poet, the powerful predator (hungry, of course), the competent and responsible, the philosopher... which are traits of my personality I exaggerate to give me a new aspect. I do it naturally (I can't translate the impression I have of people into words, but at 95% it's accurate), and study what's wrong with the person I'm talking to and mentally mocking her. My humor is very sarcastic and cynical, but I think that, before mocking others, you must mock yourself and I do it (a bit too often maybe), it gives me a great resistance to what others can say (if it doesn't work and they manage to hurt me, I digest the thing in 5 minutes and there's no damage done), but something I really enjoy is playing with words. I see naturally the similarities between them (thanks the book) and have fun while entertaining people."

My reply/analysis:

My impression of what your dæmon might vacillated a lot when reading the first few pages, but soon it became clear that he's mostly likely a male lion. The image I'm getting is of a juvenile, though... one lacking the full mane of an adult. You seem to have the ferocity of the adult but the energy and curiosity of a cub. And from what you sent me I could describe you in these three words: aggressive, intimidating, and prideful. That's your stereotypical lion right there, but I did more in-depth research and still found that a lion fits your personality best. Below are some examples of lion facts and how they correspond with information you gave me.

"I'm full of nervous energy....anger and enthusiasm" -- Male lions are not typically seen as nervous creatures, but younger lions are described as being full of energy and enthusiasm.

"I don't know the limit between games and fights so I often hurt my friends accidentally" -- For young lions, playing develops the techniques that will later be employed in hunting. It's common for them to engage in rough play.

"My best inspirations and (clear mind) periods are around lunch and evening/night...but it passes after a good sleep" -- Lions spend an inordinate amount of time sleeping around midday: the time you associate with a clear mind. They also prefer hunting in the late afternoon or during the night into early morning.

"I use the passive way when I know I won't win and slyly attack later" -- Lions pursuit prey by running in a straight line and will give up the chase and look for a different animal if it's obvious they aren't catching that particular meal.

"opportunistic...stealing would be more difficult, but if it's necessary..." -- Lions are definitely opportunistic hunters, eating whatever they can catch or steal from other predators.

"naturally attack the weak point of the person" -- Lions naturally go for the throat or neck when taking down prey.

"my voice is heard in every corner of the room" -- A lion's roar can be heard up to five miles away, and it's the loudest sound uttered by any cat.

"Furious: more likely to happen with family" -- Male lions are very aggressive with other pride members (aka their family)

"Starts with yelling but easily leads to physical (and homicidal) violence" -- I shouldn't have to tell you that lions have the great ability to critically injure or kill. Aggression between males can turn extremely violent or into fatal encounters.

"I would actually fall into blind rage...while I'm desperately trying to stay in control...I want to growl, beat, bite, taste the blood" -- Newly installed dominant males will kill and often consume the cubs of the previous leader.

"I love to walk quietly and then surprise, or best, scare people...I can wait for months for the opportunity to hit where it really hurts!" -- Lions have a patient stalk and sudden pounce. They also follow ungulate herds as they migrate.

"I digest the thing in 5 minutes" -- Lions have short small intestines and meat doesn't take long to digest.

"curious (absolutely!)" -- The curiosity of cubs is boundless.

"I'm perfectly sociable and gregarious" -- Lions are the most sociable felines, and a young lion's life is a gregarious melee of social interaction.

"appear very self-confident...I'm very good at appearing disdainful or haughty and I'm often very intimidating" -- Male lions are said to look regal and nonchalant.

"loyal....courageous...have enough power to win every debate" -- Characteristics associated with the lion are nobility, courage, loyalty, and combative skills.



Characteristics: "Loving and caring, I have always wanted to be in a profession where I can care for people. I am aiming to study medicine. I prefer small groups rather than large crowds. I am friends with many people at school, but nothing out of school. The close friends I have are very close to me and I am loyal to everyone. I am honest, and everyone I know trusts me and comes to me for advice. I am a good shoulder to cry on. I am extremely close to all of my family. I am in the top 5 for all of my classes (also I am in top set for all of my subjects). I am creative. I aim to please. I am always calm in all situations. I am told that I am good with children. I love being outdoors and inside.

People call me: the clever one, the caring one and the mature one.

My fave subjects are maths and science, and I love German and music also. I love all my subjects though!
I am quite active; I love walking but I also love to curl up in front of the tele or with a good book!
Also I am passionate about music. I play many instruments and I love listening to all kinds of music."



Characteristics: "Clever, intellectual, spending long periods of time in deep thought; quiet, enjoys solitude, seemingly "invisible" among others, loner; exceedingly uncomfortable around people or in crowds; will attack when angry or provoked; insightful, observant; emotionally complex; secretive; very imaginative; paranoid, oftentimes worried; despises pity from others, does not like weakness, nor will I settle for less easily; secretly a romantic; admittedly strives for perfection and success"