"Now, I'm not sure how other people in this community found their dæmons, but this was a start. After I read the HDM trilogy I began pondering the concept of dæmons profusely and translated the manner in which I had behaved like since my 'discovery'. How I acted. How I discussed things with my conscience. I was more 'involved', if you will, with myself. I felt like I had conversations at times, long ones. I didn't feel alone when I was, I could feel my wolf side in my brain holding me. Did dæmons really exist, but perhaps in a different form? Is it all a matter of the person's gradual discovery/interpretation?

I'm not sure, and I ain't gonna bore you all with details and super theories, but I am sure of this:  There is a wolf within me, I do have a kind of "dæmon", I do not know her/his name (yet), I no longer feel as lonely as before, and I love it all."

"Okay, the first thing I'm going to say is that my communication with my dæmon has begun. I know what it is, I can feel her discussion, like I'm talking to her and replying; like talking to myself but... not. It feels odd discussing this but I feel I can trust you all here. She primarily discusses decisions with me, and when I decide to "put something off" or set one thing aside for another, she tends to change my opinion. This may seem odd, but many things I would have avoided last night (homework-wise and house-stuff) she convinced me to do. It's... weird, discussion with her. It's like I'm making up my own self-conversation, but she's that voice of wisdom that tells me what I need to do, so it's not really something I make up. She doesn't exactly provide 100% companionship a friend can provide: She won't give an opposing view of something I agree on, she can't play cards with me, and we won't really get in an argument. Not to say she is not a companion; I don't have a feeling of being "alone" anymore. She's there, an external version of me, telling me right and wrong. Her discussion isn't solely in the mind. In the past, 'I' found myself yelling "Jon you idiot!" "You the man, Jon" to 'my' self, or some equivalent. I put 'I' and 'my' in quotations because it wasn't really ME, it was my dæmon. Are all these times I've talked to myself my dæmon? It makes sense now.

I honestly feel awkward talking about discussion with my dæmon. I'm actually talking to myself, not to another being, and I'm "seeing things" but really not. It's a 100% intentional "mind's eye" image that is controlled by my conscience. The process of giving my conscience (dæmon) some "form" to her makes me more inclined to listen.

I've found she's not there when I'm focusing on something, but when I'm making a decision or the world around me is kind of quaint, then she's there. She's always there when my mind is clear.

A brief note on crowds, despite the fact that people "walked through her" on a couple occasions, we were not bothered. I would guess that her condition is varied on my mood and mental attributes. (quirks)

A couple examples of conversation that I have so far experienced:

I was eating dinner and my mom was talking to me. I was looking down, until I heard my dæmon say "Look up." So I did.

I was going to blow off an essay that I wasn't sure was due. She convinced me to do it. It turns out it wasn't due, but I got it out of the way and for that I'm grateful.

I was wondering what gift to get a couple friends and she voiced her opinion.

She kept telling me to pay attention in Science class. It was challenging, but I think I did okay. She disagrees.


Having a dæmon is an interesting experience. It's thrilling, it's complex, and it's refreshing. I feel more inclined to do what I know is right, and to put my procrastination to the table (She nags!) I feel that coming to further accept my dæmon is an entirely good experience for me. Oh, and she agrees."

"Okay, I've only just come across this, but I have a strong belief in dæmons and I'm going to risk leaping in, teeth bared, claws out. 

Let me get the first thing down. Dæmons are, in a physical sense, nonexistent. Dæmons have no impact upon any world but our own life, why? Because they are formulations of our own mind. Dæmons are, quite simply, your conscience magnified to the point that it now has face and "life." They are not a product of insanity, it's a big-ized version of your conscience, telling you what to do, helping make decisions, helping out, etc. It's that voice of wisdom telling you to chose question C on a test while you think it is D. Little feelings and "self discussion" are examples of your dæmon talking. Ever yelled out "<insertyourname>, you idiot! Why did you do that?" A sample of a dæmon outburst. Nothing odd. It's perfectly normal, it's just the connotation of it being from your dæmon that seems odd. When you finally accept your dæmon and it releases from your mind, then she/he is your little voice of wisdom, but now with a face. 

What is it to "see" your dæmon? It's a mind's eye type view, you know she isn't REALLY there (you can't see her with your eyes), but in your head you know she's there on your bed, lying calmly or sleeping. Your dæmon isn't always prancing around, when you're bothered with other things, or generally occupied with other matters, they sort of "tuck away" in your mind. They "come out" when you're docile, making a decision, or otherwise not busy. They require some imagination, knowledge of yourself, knowledge of the creature, and trust in their existence. ... 

We're not crazy. It's totally mental, totally voluntary, and it's just making your conscience more than it is for some people. We ain't seeing things, we ain't hearing voices other than our own. That's just how it works. 

Thus, they are real, and I talk to mine all the time. It's just not the whole form some of us believe/wish were."

"I have, since I've really pulled in the dæmon philosophy, found that keeping her in mind really has made me a better person. On account of her constant nagging I've found myself striving to accomplish what she points out. I'm more willing to trust my (usually right) gut feeling in turn. I feel more like I'm talking with another when making a decision now, even though, technically, I am talking with myself."
        - Jonathan





"A little while I ago, I posted on my Blurty (now left to die) about how I felt like something was missing from my life. I thought I would never find it and I thought I was going to be "hallow inside" forever. This is what I'm getting at. I want to give Okibi and Rookie mad props and kudos for helping me find that missing part of my soul. I realize it was Rome that I was missing. I felt so.. soulless and now I know I'm never alone..
"I need someone to find me. And come soon, I'm slipping off the branch. Catch me and save me from death." Rome did. And I love him dearly. My dæmon is my soul.""
        - Sarah





"Pax never insults me as such - I do enough of that myself. She builds me up when I'm feeling especially self-deprecating and takes me down a few pegs when my head gets too fat ;). Her humor is... perfectly suited to me, as Rookie's is to you. While others might find some of what she says to be charming or adorable, most of it would seem to be random comments out of nowhere. More than her sense of humor, however, I appreciate her confident love - Pax is sure when I am not, willing to forgive me when I'm still all torn up over something. Which isn't to say that she doesn't get horribly pissed off at me occasionally... actually, now that I think about it, she doesn't. At the very worst she just feels let down. The worst I've ever gotten from her is the "silent treatment" and that only lasts as long as I'm doing just fine writing out my thoughts without her direct input. No, Pax is... understanding, to say the least.

She is still hilarious at times, though =D. Yeah, back to the humor, she tends to be very high-brow, classy... her humor is insightful to the extreme, and is typically brought on by adversity. I frequently find that her humor works on more levels than I initially take it to.

She can also use humor to get points across to me that I might be too thick-headed to take straight up, if you know what I mean."

"Something Parallax-related... I think that many of her best characteristics are traits that I want, admire, and strive to embody... not necessarily ones that I always display. The concepts that Parallax embodies for me are more of a goal than a reality, though as you know, the journey is the goal and trying to be a better person automatically makes you one."
        - Daniel





"It is along these lines that my own daemon follows. My Tadrith, who I have only barely been able to truly know, but who I learn more about with each passing day. To me, a daemon is what Pullman has defined them as and yet eons more....he is my totem. He is my guardian angel. He is my invisible friend. He is my dæmon. He lives in and through me. He sees through my eyes, and knows my heart better than even I could. He shares in my passion, my rage, and my heartache. His silent purrs lull me to sleep. His occasionally sharp tongue chides me when I am belittling myself a little too much, scorns me when I am being foolish, but lifts me up when most I need him. He cares about nothing else. It is his loyalty and devotion that keep me going when I am ready to sink to despair...it was his strength that kept me from letting the depression beat my will to live. No matter how hard I cried, no matter how much pain I felt under the vicious taunting of others, he was always there, keeping me alive. Waiting until I might realize he was there all along. He is among my best of friends. He never nags, he never pushes...he is the patience I can't wait long enough for, the gentle reminder that things need doing. The soft touch when my other friends cannot be there for me, and generally is there still. He is mine."
        - Kate





"Chayan? Hei's the other half of me, the part that's male and stubborn and sarcastic and protective and loyal and loving me more than anyone - closer than my soulmate, closer than my heart. My soul, if you're fond of terms like that - though even that can't fully describe him. My dæmon."

"A dæmon's truth exists without knowledge, then - but knowing the name helps to understand others, to understand yourself. Knowing who Chayan is does not change him except as it changes me."
        - Emily





"He is what makes me whole, what makes me love, what makes me human. The one who is always, always there. Even if I didn't speak to or envision him in any given moment, I can look back on it and say, 'He was there at my side.' I mustn't see him to feel his presence. I just know that he is always within me, beside me, around me... everywhere I need him to be. He's the one who tries to be strict and keep me in line (as any good conscience does), but also loosens the reigns because he doesn't want me overstressed; we can put off a homework assignment if it helps my mood. He is my true self right in front of me: the one who can and WILL say what I honestly feel, even if I continue to deny it. He is my truth, and he will let the truth be known.

My dæmon is not a close friend, or a teacher, or a brother, or father... though he shows aspects of each one. He is so much more. The relationship between us is so utterly unique that it cannot be directly compared to anything else. My dæmon is not another person -- he is a dæmon. Mine alone... the only one. My personal, heart-deep companion. Unlike another person, he knows everything about me. I can never lie to him and have him believe it. He will never turn his back on me because it suits him. He knows all my faults -- every immoral action I've gone through with is not hidden from him... yet he loves me anyway. So so so completely. He doesn't strive to make me better because then I'm more worthy of his love. Never. How could I ever be more perfect than I am in his eyes right now? He builds me up because he wants to see me be all that I can be. He'll help me in any way that he can, and will always comfort me when needed. He exists solely because I do. He's here to aid and love me.

My dæmon is the one I can always count on to laugh at my corny jokes, to hug me when I cry, to frown when I'm doing wrong, to smile through the pain, to just... stay with me.

Sometimes he'll play the Devil's advocate to test my faith and then make it stronger, or act oblivious just so I reach the conclusion on my own. He is so wise, though not always in the usual sense of the word. He knows how I think better than any one else, because we share a mind. My dæmon knows exactly when to be rough and when to be sweet; when to make me laugh and when to let me be stubborn. Without him I am only half a mind. Without him I cannot see reason or love. Heck, I couldn't function at all without my soul... my precious dæmon.

No, he is more than half of me. He IS me, because without him I am nothing but an empty shell. It's thanks to him that I can truly live."
        - Okibi (myself)





"It's funny. When I hear people (including myself) say that they "believe" in dæmons it.....just doesn't feel right. ......Okay, corny explanation of what I mean coming up.........Compare dæmons (or let's say souls, since dæmons ARE souls) to love. They are similar. You can't PHYSICALLY touch, taste, hear, or see love. You can only see how it affects the physical world around it and the way it affects your actions, perceptions, words etc. (Like the way that air is invisible in itself, but you can see it affect leaves on the ground, or smoke in the air, etc). You can't physically prove its existence, and may never be able to, but you KNOW it is real. I don't personally BELIEVE in dæmons. I don't have to. It's like saying "I believe that summer follows spring" or that "Thunder follows lightning." All these things are just a natural part of the infinite miracle that is the world around us. I KNOW that summer follows spring and I KNOW that dæmons exist. Like I said, I don't have to believe and I think it's the same for a lot of people here.

........ Exactly. I don't understand it when people say that they don't believe in the soul. It's like saying that the only difference between a dead body and a living one is that one's got a beating heart. A dead body is dead because the LIFE is gone. And life isn't just a beating heart. It's passion and memories and thought and choice and all the things that make us human and alive. And that's the soul."
        - Maia





"Things are changing. C and I are graduating this year. I'm ready...this very town depresses me. It sucks out my soul. I'll be nervous, but Kael will be with me. Knowing he's always there, knowing I can count on him, that makes things worth while. Kael...I love that name. I can wrap it around me and hug it close, it makes me feel so happy. Comfortable. I know he'll be there to support me, him and mom. I'll miss some of the people. Many I won't. So many letters I have to write...I have to start soon or they won't be done. Graduation is so close...it's intimidating. Everything feels intimidating lately. Kael's eyes watch me type this. He's thinking. I can feel the weight of it, but he's quiet. He's so much braver than I...he seems to have so much faith in me, whereas I feel so small and uncertain.. I'm not sure where that faith comes from. Love, I suppose, but.. eh. I avoid trouble when I can...I try so hard. I have a violent temper, but I express it only when absolutely necessary. I try to hold it back. I still feel like I'm sliding backward. And Kael stands like a reassuring rock, and cling to him as I do, I can't seem to touch on the confidence he has."
        - Kate (her dæmon was renamed Kael)






"How hypocritical. You people talk about loving your dæmons. Caring about them. They're your soul. You talk about how you love their advice. And you can sit there staring at your computer and have the nerve to write that you'll "grow out" of them. Is that love? Is that affection? How can you grow out of your soul and then as pleased as pie say you "love" it? That's not love. That's kicking it to the curb like growing out of a puppy. But so much deeper. That is sick. Truly, I thought Ghost had taken the cake with my disgusto-meter, but this really does take the cake.
Your dæmon's life span is YOUR life span. Just because a few people have decided to throw their dæmons back into the dark, it doesn't mean it's inevitable. J, you make it sound like it is. "..I wanted to see if people were aware and accepted this, or if they were sensitive about it..." As if the dæmon dies like an old pet. What, you use it up, and then when it's useless to you, you toss it under the bed? Throw it out for a new toy?
How can you treat your dæmon like a possession? I like having one now. Belief. To me, my dæmon isn't a 'belief'. We're not all studying dæmonism. Everyone has a dæmon. Even if they never see it, never know what it's like to be loved by theirs. You don't sign up for dæmonism and then hit the books. You speak to it or not, visualize it or not, but the very idea of abandoning it, "growing out" of it..what a bunch of hypocrites. A bunch of little kids playing around with your souls, and then when you "grow up" sure, they won't matter. It's all just a game today, and yesterday's new age try-out tomorrow. What a load of bull.
Kael will never stop being there for me. And I will never just "grow out" of him. Because I love MY dæmon. And love is not leaving your own in the dark. Love is NOT "GROWING OUT" of someone as close to you and as loving to you as your dæmon. You people should be ashamed. I don't care who disagrees with me. You can gripe at me all you want. You should be ****ing ashamed. This is disgusting. Monkey, Cat, Kibs, this is not directed at you, nor at anyone else who feels that this thread and this topic is sick enough to make your stomach twist.

.........

If people want their dæmon to be that, then they're not the sort of people that I want to talk to. No, we can't tell a person what their dæmon should be to them, but we can still be disgusted by them and their ilk. For us that love our dæmons and make them so much an involved part of our lives, we'll always hate or at the very least despise the people who see their dæmons as secondary. Personally, I pity those dæmons who must live that way, crawling after their humans like so much baggage.
I think the answer to the question What are dæmons for? lies in what they do for us. What they've done for ALL of the people who have come to these forums and really started to get to know their dæmons. They're here to love us, to care for us, to advise us, to help us, and to console us. They're here because they're our soul, and they're here to do all they can to aid us. Just as we are here to love and cherish that which makes us whole, and that teaches us that which no other could teach so well. Nothing about dæmons are written in stone or facts. They're written somewhere much more personal; our hearts. Those who cannot read the writing are thus, to me, truly blind and pitiful creatures. Those that see the writing and warp and twist it to suit themselves aren't worthy of the life companions that suffer under their hypocritical filth.
        - Kate

"I hate having to defend myself......I really do, but I was truly hurt by what has been said here.

My relationship with my dæmon is....different than mosts. I care for him....so much. I can't even say how much. My word choice was just......not so great. I care for Tyb more than I can ever say--and without a doubt I always will. I love hearing him every day, say nice things to me, comment on the day, help me remember appointments, give me pep talks when I'm feeling down, smile at me when I'm sad, mentally hug me when I'm depressed, and keep me laughing when I'm not. I care for him with every fiber in my being--and in doing that I know that I am loving myself too, and that gives me such self-esteem I cannot even describe it. I know though, that people change, that situations evolve and you get to know yourself more and more as life progresses.

Tyb has been here during the darkest time of my life. He was by my side when one of my old family friends was in a car accident and sentenced to a year-long coma. He was here when my next-best-friend betrayed me, he was here when I was laying on my father's bed trying to tell him it was Okay to die. That was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I could never have had the courage to hold his hand and tell him these things without Tyb sitting on my shoulder, giving me the strength I needed. He has helped me through these dark times in so many ways.

I know that people change, that the good times end, that opinions change and people grow apart. I have no idea what the future will bring for me, and I have no idea what will happen to me when that future comes. I know that in these past nine months fully knowing him and loving him will affect me for the rest of my life. I have built a relationship I know will never leave me--because I know it is impossible to live without a soul, without your dæmon, your daimon, your conscience, your soul, your inner child, your superego--whatever you want to call them. I also know that the time may come when I don't envision him as much, or when I find it difficult to see him. I know though, that even when I don't consciously KNOW that I'm talking to him--I am. And that whenever I have to face another one of those dark days he will be by my side. Or that when I have to face my fears he will be there to give me the courage I need. He is a seabird--no-- *I* am a seabird. I have to endure so many storms and winds and sidetracks in my life. My personal beliefs change as often as the tide turns. But I know that because I am an ancient migrator that my memory is the best of anyone's, and I know that I will never forget Tribalthos. And I know that I will never truly leave or abandon him. And I know even those people who said--like me--that someday they MAY just "grow apart" from their dæmon, that even though you don't want to know him or her, and even though you may not feel interested in talking or knowing them any longer, that they will be there for you, and they'll be there when you have to hug your family friend who's daughter is in a coma, or when you have to forgive the friend who stabbed you in the back, or even when you have to say your goodbyes to a dying father, because that is a dæmon's purpose, and because every human on this Earth has to endure these trials until the end of our lives, your dæmon will NEVER leave you.

I do not know what will happen to me in the future.....I do not know if I will "grow apart" relationship-wise, or if it will counter whatever I come across later in life, or if our relationship will survive and persist throughout the years. I just don't know, because I can't tell the future.

I am not a hypocrite because I do not know what will happen in the future. I am not a hypocrite because my dæmon has helped me through the darkest of days and I do not truly know what will happen to me in the future. I love Tribalthos with the intensity of ten thousand suns--but I cannot know what will happen in my life later on. This topic is hurtful to everyone....I'm really starting to dislike it strongly. I'm sorry for the long post.....but I just felt the need to defend myself a little bit. Thanks.
        - Ali






"I have two. The first is severly overdramatic, the second merely a little overdramatic. Writing therapy and all that.



i. Hiccuping with my ribcage spasming trying failing not to cry as I slammed down the phone this morning, I thought I was dying or breaking in half and that I was going to throw up and feeling very dumb that this hit me so hard. My boyfriend of, y'know, nine + a half months just dumped me because he's bored, and I had to call him and confront him about it because he thought it'd be a better idea to wait until tonight and do it in a roomful of people I don't know, and I just really wish I were bored too. That's how it is, though. I guess I should've known glacier bears can be real cold.

I made a couple calls to cancel plans, bawling and coughing and puffy-eyed, cooing and clucking from the other end of the line not really any consolation. On the closed toilet seat with my knees pulled up to my chest and the door locked I tried to get a grip on myself when the deer hauled himself on two legs to lay a head against my shin and say, 'I know I know I know.'

'This fucking hurts.'
'I know.'

Flashing back to the night before, he reminded me of the scene in that same bathroom under fluorescent lights with my face in the mirror all dark circles and clenched jaw, hacking away at my hair with scissors until it was mostly gone and mostly in a pile at my feet. He had sat just outside the door, lit only by the beam of it cracked open with the rest of the house pitch black and dozing. I felt really lost and that everything was a rogue variable but by god I could make my hair do whatever I wanted so there it was, curling around my ankles and sticking to the wet sink.

'My god, girl, you've absolutely gone crazy,' he said.
'Promise you'll love me no matter how much more melodramatic I end up.'
'I'll love you. Even though you look like goddamned Little Orphan Annie.'

My friend was there in a half hour with chick flicks and chocolate pulling me into a bearhug saying, 'it's just a fleshwound,' and it was good. My mom took me to a movie in the evening and ruffled my stupid new hair and told me to become a lesbian out of it, and it was also good.

But still I was sitting numb soon in the theatre seat with tears threatening to spill all down my shirtfront again, raw and embarassed. The deer shifted and pressed himself against my crossed ankles and it was better, because he knows the whole story, every piece and detail. The colour of george's eyes turned upwards in bright sunlight and the shape of a bear silhouted in a glass box in a sunset. I could really feel the flow of unconscious underwater conversation running back and forth between us, instaneous telegrams and and steel-coated rapport, and all that.

'He promised,' I said in a little girl's voice.
'He didn't love you like I do. And I promise more.'

And I believed it again, but more. The deer promised he will be around when I finish my collapse and all through and, don't get me wrong, I appreciate my friends listening to me sob curses on that stupid asshole shithead, but they weren't there the whole time. I will be okay very shortly. In the meantime, I need to lie in bed with the deer and mull things and rehash things, because he knows + knows.



ii. It was monday this week I was sure again I needed the deer to be deer-shaped. In the least bustling corner at a table for four in the tea shop my sister's boyfriend works at, I was sitting on one foot sipping almond oolong tea. I'd been there for an hour already waiting for my sister finish yoga, reading Breakfast At Tiffany's and falling madly in love with Holly Golightly.

It was getting close to evening with yellow sun slanting in through panes of glass and motes of dust to settle all across the scrubbed table and the back of the deer, curled in the chair on my right, hooves falling over the edge of the seat and chin resting on ankles.

He looked gorgeous, his thick winter pelt standing up in gold along his spine, then sloping down his sides in shades of maple and chesnut and every other colour an autumn scene photomural on the wall of a doctor's office not redecorated since 1976. His head lifted so his dark square pupils could look me over properly and I gave an involuntary little smile at the empty air and yet felt like he was solid flesh and bones and ashes and spirits and twine.

'Hi. What's you name?' he asked.
'It's emily estelle. What's yours?'
'Nice to meet you. I don't know,' he said and I felt so good because he is something that has nothing to do with anyone except me, and that is nice to know. And I'm a deer, whatever that means to either of us. And he is not just a tether to the sky, he is an anchor to something solid inside of me, and I can feel okay so long as I can feel that something solid. Soon I was back out on the street carrying Erin's yoga mat and talking about Truman Capote, but that scene coloured amber and preserved like something prehistoric is stuck with me way after."
        - Emily





"I went into university on my own for the first time this Tuesday. I was pretty nervous about it at first. For one, I'd have to take the bus in, and I'm a pretty well-established bus n00b. Two, the uni is pretty FREAKIN' HUGE, so I was worried about getting lost, looking stupid, that sort of thing. The fact I'd be wandering around all on my lonesome unnerved me as well.

And then I remembered, and smacked myself in the forehead. Of course I wouldn't be alone!

Killy didn't really do a whole lot. He smiled and looked pleased when I declared that Tuesday was going to be our special day spent together tackling the uni. He trotted beside me happily on the way to the bus, and made me giggle quietly by mournfully declaring that bus seats just weren't made for coyotes (though it didn't stop him sitting there). He walked beside me as we drifted around the uni, and he listened carefully when I pulled out the map and outlined our plans.

No, he didn't do a lot. He didn't even say a lot. But it was the sheer fact he was there. I didn't feel like a lone girl wandering around timidly. I felt like a girl and her coyote making their way through new territory together. Just having someone to direct my thoughts at helped oh so much.

And that's really the power of dæmons, isn't it? They're not super-special magic creatures. They can't perform miracles. What they do is be there. And it's amazing how just having someone there for you can change a scary experience into an enjoyable one."
        - Winger